Marisa Crane

Name: ____________________

Date: ____________________


Directions: Read each question carefully then choose the corresponding answer. You are permitted to use any clues you may have found while cleaning up this morning. You can have as long as you need to complete the quiz, but ideally I’d like to hear back from you ASAP so I can stop sweating all over Jamie’s couch, where I currently sit drinking boxed wine and talking like a turnstile. Don’t get me wrong, she’s rather excited about the whole ordeal—this is “crazy even for you,” she says—but as you can imagine, she will soon grow tired of lying to me that everything’s going to be okay. Don’t worry if you fail the quiz—there was no imaginable way to prepare for something like this.

True or False: ½ point each

Please write either T or F next to each of the following statements. If you don’t know or don’t remember, leave it blank. Beware: I can read people, even through notebook paper. Hopefully you can too. Then you’ll know that I want to turn my skin inside-out. That I want to stop throwing up in Jamie’s shower long enough to slip some acid under my tongue. That I want to hold my life up to the light and see what I’m made of.

  1. You understand the gravity of the situation we are in.
  2. You, too, are profoundly hungover.
  3. Your panic attacks are having panic attacks.
  4. You keep replaying the random scenes you can remember: your arms around my neck, my necklace breaking, my body moving on top of yours.
  5. You have been with a woman prior to last night.
  6. You knew what was going to happen when you invited me over for Old Fashioneds.
  7. We broke apart before your husband made it to the bottom of the stairs.
  8. Your husband paid for my cab home.
  9. You are pretending that last night didn’t happen. 
  10. You felt the tectonic plates of your world shift beneath you this morning.
  11. You are drinking again.
  12. Your kids want to know when I’ll come over and play with them again.
  13. You have feelings for me.
  14. You want me to want you to have feelings for me. 
  15. Your hand is shaking worse than mine.
  16. In an alternate universe, you leave him and we run away together.
  17. In this universe, you leave him and we run away together.
  18. This will happen again.
  19. We made a huge mistake.
  20. You felt it too when we first met—the pull.
  21. Your husband doesn’t satisfy you. 
  22. This is simply a case of falling for the forbidden.
  23. I am nothing more than a fun escape from your mundane reality.
  24. I’m an asshole for suggesting the above.
  25. You keep typing then erasing, typing then erasing.
  26. You want to rip this quiz up and eat it.
  27. You’ve never felt anything this intense and it terrifies you.
  28. We were doomed from the start.

Multiple Choice: 1 point each

Circle the best answer. Do not circle more than one letter. This shit’s already confusing enough. Jamie’s doing handstands against the wall, brainstorming ways I can come back from this. She says you should feel free to scribble in the margins if you’re so inclined. You know, a stick figure me, a stick figure you, a stick figure possibility.

1. How did you feel this morning?
      A. Hungover
      B. Guilty
      C. Excited
      D. Ashamed
      E. All of the above
      F. None of the above: _________

2. Who do your kids think I am?
      A. Your friend
      B. Your personal trainer
      C. Your employee
      D. Your drinking partner
      E. All of the above
      F. None of the above: _________

3. How do you think your husband will cope with this?
      A. He will behave normally because he truly didn’t see anything
      B. He will behave normally because it’s easier to pretend he didn’t see anything
      C. He will talk himself down a rabbit hole
      D. He will justify that it’s not cheating if it’s with a woman twenty years your junior
      E. None of the above: _________

4. What is one thing you wish I understood?
      A. How badly you wish you could take it back
      B. How badly you wish you were single
      C. The universe never has our best interests in mind
      D. There is a difference between wanting and needing, and most people will never know it
      E. Not all decisions have consequences
      F. Age gaps exist for a reason
      G. None of the above: _________

5. Does our story end terribly in every possible outcome?
      A. Without a doubt
      B. Probably
      C. Not necessarily
      D. Not if we don’t let it
      E. This quiz is exhausting the fuck out of me
      F. I need a drink
      G. None of the above: _________

Essay section: 10 points each

Please answer the questions to the best of your ability. Use complete sentences only. Include a clear beginning, middle, and end. Remember, even if you can’t see the end, it doesn’t mean it isn’t there. 

      1. What would you like to happen next? Please be specific. Feel free to be as unrealistic as you would like. I also have a habit of indulging.


      2. Did you tell anyone about last night? Why or why not? What would you tell a confidant if you could?


      3. What do you think it will be like when we see each other at the gym next? Do you think any of your friends will be able to detect the shift? Do you care if they do?


      4. Do you think it’s possible for two people to make each other fully happy? Why or why not?


Bonus Question: 5 points 

Tell me about everyone you’ve ever loved before me. Make it fucking hurt. 



Marisa Crane is a queer, nonbinary writer whose work has appeared or is forthcoming in TriQuarterly, Passages North, Joyland, No Tokens,Catapult, The Florida Review, and elsewhere. They are the author of the forthcoming novel, Exoskeletons (Catapult, 2023), and the poetry chapbook, Our Debatable Bodies (Animal Heart Press, 2019). They currently live in San Diego with their wife and child.

“What the Fuck Happened Last Night?: A Pop Quiz” was previously published in Always Crashing, May 2020.